I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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