The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize