Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
yea but for you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night