Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best. http://tfl.nu/21y4
  Replies (14) Good night (2366) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Deal!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit. (1-515): Deal! http://tfl.nu/vj0b
  Replies (20) Good night (7662) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi
  Replies (15) Good night (601) Bad night (3224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize http://tfl.nu/1v86
  Replies (50) Good night (4165) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist. (1-240): Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab? (240): Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore. http://tfl.nu/3est
  Replies (11) Good night (1018) Bad night (3626)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention? http://tfl.nu/dhyh
  Replies (22) Good night (1258) Bad night (5086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream? http://tfl.nu/judd
  Replies (7) Good night (3427) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits. http://tfl.nu/dr6q
  Replies (20) Good night (3479) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night? http://tfl.nu/sgi1
  Replies (13) Good night (870) Bad night (2766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time http://tfl.nu/pvdr
  Replies (4) Good night (2170) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket. http://tfl.nu/c7zs
  Replies (5) Good night (1380) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant. http://tfl.nu/7i15
  Replies (6) Good night (1863) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night http://tfl.nu/pu91
  Replies (6) Good night (969) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do? http://tfl.nu/h8p0
  Replies (5) Good night (947) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good. http://tfl.nu/6ter
  Replies (12) Good night (561) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt

Randomize