First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.