i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever