Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
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you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
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Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?