So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize