Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
