Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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