you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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