this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
