Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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