So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
