News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
