Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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