if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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