you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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