i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
