I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
