Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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