Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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