its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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