im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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