his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
