My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
