if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
