Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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