Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
