I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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