The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
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Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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