is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
