i think my tv is drunk
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
