She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
