My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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