He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
