Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The best revenge is premature balding
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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