My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am naked and annoyed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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