Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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