I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
