Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
