Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
