we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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