New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
