i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
