Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
