i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
