everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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