My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
