Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
