he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
