Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
