OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
