Just cropdusted the office
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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