I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
