I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
