Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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