Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
