id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
