I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
