A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
