yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize