I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
