Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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