In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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