3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
