i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
