I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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