Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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