And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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