never play flip cup with pint glasses
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
