I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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