If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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