its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
