i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
