Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
