i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
