I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ladies don't puke and tell
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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