the day after is always just damage control
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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