He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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