Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
