i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
